Jane returned to her room feeling more than a bit slightly drunk which was unusual, even for her student days. But she had enough sense to pour herself a large glass of mineral water. Observing the maxim, ½ pint of water per glass of wine’ ’One side of the room was dominated by a wooden counter backed by mirrors, doubling as a desk and vanity unit. Despite all the time spent being taken through the transformation from plain jane, to ‘someone else’, she’d never really sat and studied her own image in full makeup.. This was something 15 year old girls obsessed about and she’d somehow avoided that part of growing up. She’d gone along with the whole thing because she justified it by ‘its a work thing’ and more importantly it was a way of pissing off her mother. As far as Jane was concerned, wearing makeup everyday just meant her face felt naked at the weekends.
Jane pulled out the side mirrors and spent time turning her head this way and that. Seeing how visible the hearing aids were from the back she pulled down her hair to cover them. But that was really much worse and she found the effort of repeatedly gathering it back into place a real pain. She examined her glasses from all angles observing how the light reflected on the lenses slightly distorting her face behind. WIth the glasses off, much of the room around her was a blur but she retrieved her bag and pulled out her ‘normal pair’. Even without removing the contact lenses, she could see her face and the glasses quite clearly. But that ‘new jane’ look was quite diluted, there was no denying it. The stronger glasses were essential. Now sober enough to remove her makeup and the contact lenses and hearing aids she went to bed.
While Jane slept in, Dave the audiologist was chatting to Sally and one of the opticians. Sally said, “I wonder how Jane is getting on with her hearing aids, is she wearing them all the time.” Dave replied, I shouldn;t be telling you this, because it’s not officially part of the product yet, but Jane’s phone sends me data from the hearing aids at the end of each day. I checked the file this morning. The aids were activated at about 10. Am yesterday and she wore them constantly until past midnight. She didn’t bother to put them on charge which is something new users often forget. However they should last her a couple of days without recharge. Michael the optician joined in. “Wow hearing aid technology is well ahead of what we can do. There is some work in the US on glasses that will collect data on usage and measure how well the eye is functioning with the prescription and how much the user is squinting. Dave went on, now boasting. “Using the data sent to me, I can remotely adjust the gain and frequency response in each ear to adapt to Jane’s environment. I’m not quite there with that yet, but the aids are also self adjusting. If Jane wears them constantly over the next few days the aids will start to adjust to their notionally final setting. As with new glasses wearers, we sometimes underprescribe the gain but now we don’t have to call the patient back in.
Sally, joked, “and can they make tea as well’ Dave, still enjoying the opportunity to impress said. “No, and you won’t believe me, but, they will still improve her hearing even when she’s not wearing them. Everyone looked confused. Dave went on. “The effect was discovered by accident about 5 years ago but these aids are the first on the market to take advantage of it. The original case was a 40 year old woman who worked for an international company. She presented as unable to hear male colleagues in meetings. An Audiogram showed her hearing was close to that of a teenager. To cut a long story short one of the team was sent off to look at her family history and realised she’d grown up in a female only household. The practitioner was knowledgeable enough to recognise she had what’s known as latent neurological deafness at low frequencies. Just playing low frequency test tones into her ear would not detect this. But under normal conditions her brain would not process low frequency complex sounds. With growing up only hearing women’s voices low frequency neural processing had not been activated. Following the discovery there was a lot more research but as acting on a hunch, the practitioner gave her hearing aids with about 12db low frequency gain and asked her to come back in 3 months. She was then told to then stop wearing the aids and monthly restests revealed she no longer needed them. Her brain had trained itself to deal with these low frequency sounds. Sally asked: Is this how Jane’s hearing aids are going to work? Will she only need them for a few months. “No’ replied Dave shaking his head. I’m sorry, but over that period If she continues to use them fulltime I’m pretty sure she’ll be wearing hearing aids for the rest of her life. But as with any hearing aid user, there has already been and still will be a very necessary learning effect within her neural pathways. Jane’s hearing loss is more complex than the case I;ve just described. After about 3 months constant use, she’d find it very difficult to manage without the aids. Sally was secretly horrified, she’d only made the original suggestion of giving Jane faux hearing aids as a joke on the newbie, but now Jane would be stuck with them for the rest of her life.
Back at the Hotel Jane was just ready to go down to breakfast. After showering, she’d inserted the contact lenses and hearing aids, again marvelled at the sound of birdsong outside her window. Her sight was just good enough to get dressed but picking up the glasses she took another careful look at herself in the mirror - The ‘New Jane’, with strong glasses and hearing aids but no makeup.
In the breakfast room Jane recognised a girl from University. Not a close friend but someone she used to chat with after lectures. Linda, was on her own, so Jane brought her tray, saying “Hi Linda, can I share your table? Linda looked up, and not waiting for her to speak, Jane said. “It’s Jane, I guessed you might not recognise me?” “Oh, Jane, I do recognise you,I know it’s you but you look so different with the glasses. You never wore them when we were at College? Having sat down and arranged her breakfast plate Jane said. “Well I found out after I started work, a sort of occupational hazard. my Job is with an optician’s and I was complaining of headaches. It’s a bit of a longer story but I also have to wear these, pointing to the hearing aids. Linda raised her hand to her mouth and gave a little laugh ‘Oh, the glasses were a surprise but not the hearing aids. It explains a lot. At Uni we often used to say you were either frequently off in a little world of your own or you were a bit deaf. You were famous for it. Nobody minded of course but we’d ask a question and you either completely ignored us or had to have it repeated.”
“Oh I never knew” said Jane. “How did you put up with me? “Thinking about it, my Audiologist told me I must have been getting by with a lot of lip reading. “
Linda, who was a psychology graduate said. “It also probably explains why you were so crap at reading body language. I remember one of the guys telling me he’d spent the whole evening trying to chat you up but you never once met his gaze, responding with eyecontact. In my second year we did a module on body language and one of the papers was a study on deaf people.
Breakfast over, Linda gave Jane a big hug. “I hope you didn’t mind me telling you those things, it just sort of slipped out in the circumstances. Jane returned the hug saying “no, no of course not”.
Jane went back to her room to get ready. Applying her makeup and selecting the outfit she’d bought for the wedding.
The wedding was at 14.00 and by mid-day more of Jane’s college friends had arrived. Some had already been to see the bride and groom in their respective rooms. Many of them remarked on her glasses and that they nearly didn’t recognise her. There were hugs all round, and Jane realised she needed to avoid poking people’s faces with her glasses frame.
Jim had not been in evidence but at about 1 oclock, when Jane was talking to a group of her closest friends he came by and touching her on the elbow, explained that he’d managed to reserve an evening table for her in his name. A perk of the ‘Band’.
The wedding and the reception went off as these things do, speeches etc over a light lunch of just about palatable food and at five oclock the hotel staff asked the guests to disperse while they rearranged the furniture for the evening event.
Jim came out to the front of the hotel again for a smoke and Jane’s friends were intrigued to see him again.
At about seven oclock, people started to drift back into the main room and Jane and three friends, including Linda bagged Jim’s table.
The band had already setup and they came out to take their places, Jim came over to the table. Revelling in her newfound confidence Jane introduced him as ‘someone she knew’ , which intrigued her friends.
When the band were partway through the first song of the second half, Jim came down from the platform pulled up a spare chair next to Jane and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. As the song was coming to a close, Jim took hold of Jane’s hand and whispered something in her ear. Jim was standing by now and Jane looked up at him with a puzzled expression. But before she knew what was happening, Jim was leading her back to the Band platform.
As the last song finished, Jane found a sheet of paper put into her hand. Jane looked down at the piece of paper and realised it was covered in bar lines with lyrics printed underneath.
Jim, still holding Jane’s hand, stepped forward to the microphone. “Firstly, I’d like to introduce my dear friend Jane Montague who I’ve persuaded to join me up here tonight.” Jane was nonplussed and nearly shook her head. “We are going to play two songs now back to back, both from the 80’s. They are both dedicated to the generation who came before us, I mean of course our parents. I suspect that years ago, these songs contributed to us, your children, to being in the world.
Jane didn’t recognise Jim’s first song but the second, ‘Alexander O’Neal’s “Never Knew Love Like This” was the one they’d duetted on in the bar the night before.
Had the audience contained a competent lip reader, they would have ‘seen’ the following exchange. Jane:”Jim, you didn’t say anything about singing when you got me up here?” Jim:”But i did, that’s just what I asked you. I was really surprised when you agreed. Jane: I didn’t hear what you said. One of my hearing aids has stopped working. “I just followed you instinctively,.” Jim: “Will you sing then?” Jane: “Yes, I am here now, lets get on with it..
Jim: pointing at the music sheet.“Can you follow where to come in?” Jane: Yeah, I think so. The audience watching this interchange would have believed it to be all part of the act. Jim persuading a reluctant member of the audience to take part.
The song was a great success. They had to share a microphone but Jim indicated to Jane when she was to come to his side. The song got the loudest round of applause of the evening and Jane returned to her seat, while Jim indicated to the band they should stand to indicate their appreciation of Jane’s contribution to the song. When she got back to her table, her friends fell over each other in saying. “That was fantastic Jane, I didn’t know you could sing like that” “Actually, neither did I” said Jane.
Jane’s performance seemed to have inspired the band to play above themselves and for the remaining songs of the night the audience were on their feet dancing or just joining in. Jim was rushing round the stage, singing, picking up a guitar and conducting the audience and the band in the ensemble sections.
As the band left the stage after the last number, Jim came down to their table and gave Jane a massive hug, remembering to whisper into her other ear “You were marvelous Jane, you can’t tell me you’ve never done that before. Jane could not reply but tears of joy were streaming down her face until she had to take off her glasses to clean them.
Jim explained that he had to go backstage but asked the girls to get some drinks for the bad and join them.
When Jane appeared, followed by her three friends, the band all crowded round Jane saying what a difference she made to the sound. Jim introduced Jane and her friends to the band and confessed he and Jane had only met the night before, apologising to Jane and the band for springing the surprise. Adding ; “ i knew she could do it, we sang it together in the Bar last night and I could think of nothing else but hearing that marvelous voice in front of the band”.
The band had left the stage at about 11.30 ( Note to non UK readers) An arcane law, still in force, insists that Music events should finish before midnight on Saturday, not to stretch into the “lord’s day”.
Jane sat on Jim’s knee, joining in the conversations and laughing at the musician’s jokes, such as, ‘misheard song titles’. “You know, that with the line ‘Weigh a Pie” - none of the girls guessed: ‘Somewhere over the rainbow.’
Just before midnight, JIm indicated Jane was to move to another chair, picked up his guitar and retrieved a sheet of music from the guitar case. The drummer, knowing what to expect, pulled over a small beatbox drum. Jim strummed a few opening cords. “Everyone” “As you know Jane and I only met yesterday. You also know what a wonderful person she is” We talked a lot last night about all sorts of things - including this song and I had time to learn it this morning.
Barbara’s song by Kurt Weil.
After playing through the first verse and chorus, Jim indicated to Jane that she should join him and they sang it through again together. Just as they were finishing the hotel manager appeared, pointing at his watch, saying “time to wrap up now chaps”. It was just gone midnight. Jane hugged her friends and said she would see them at breakfast. The band put away their instruments. One of the benefits of Hotel gigs was not having to clear away all their gear until the morning. Jim and Jane were still arm in arm as they passed through the Hotel bar which was still serving. “Just time for a nightcap” suggested Jim. As they sat down together, Jim tried to apologise again for dragging Jane up onto the stage. “Don’t worry I really enjoyed it, it’s a good job you chose my deaf ear, otherwise I might have said no and missed the opportunity. “Was that really the only time you’ve ever sung in public? Asked Jim. Jane giggled, “Not since I was a child. I used to really enjoy performing but something happened when I was about 12, I suddenly realised my parents disapproved, accusing me of showing off, soI just stopped. ” Jane paused for a moment. Except that, I still sang in the choir at school until my GCSEs, when my mother told me it was a distraction from studying. After the exams I got a virus and was in bed for weeks, I tried singing again but something had happened to my voice. Jim said. “Perhaps it was the virus that damaged your hearing?. If you lose the ability to hear your own voice properly, singing in tune is very difficult.” “Perhaps” said Jane, “being able to hear my own voice clearly was the first thing I noticed when I started wearing the hearing aids.”
Jim stood up and they embraced, “Tonight was, I think, the best set we’ve ever played. Having you on stage with me was fantastic - I felt the same sort of buzz I had on my first gig”. He then whispered into Jane’s ear. “Please say you’ll do it again” And then repeated it into the other ear just in case. They kissed, and pulling away, Jane said. “Yes, I will if you’d like me to, but there is a condition. “Whatever you wish” replied Jim, wondering what it could be. Jane giggled, “ It’s really very simple. You just have to come and sleep with me tonight”
In Jane’s room, Jim sat on the bed shoes and shirt off, while Jane undressed, carefully hanging up her dress. She then sat at the vanity unit and motioned to Jim to join her. Taking out her hearing aids she said ‘Darling, please put these in their charger for me. It would be awful if I was deaf again in the morning.” Jim sat back on the bed and turning, saw Jane start to remove her glasses.. Jane heard herself say under her breath, ‘New Jane, New Jane’. “ As the glasses left her face she reached out for the case. Using both hands she carefully placed the glasses, folding the arms and closing the lid with the customary ‘plop’. Jim was still transfixed. Jane turned to him and said, “sorry but I can’t let you fuck me with them on, you might break the frames” Jim, was about to say “of course” but Jane went on. “However the problem now is that you now have to come and fetch me. With a prescription of -6 diopters in each eye, and sitting in an unfamiliar room, I’m quite likely to fall over something before I could reach you.
Jim took Jane by both the hand and led her back to the bed.
Jane was looking at Jim’s face in focus above her, then she looked beyond him, “It seems, New Jane, you are going to have to get used to having a lot of blind sex”.
The next morning, Jim was leaning on his arm, Jane was awake beside him. “Thinking about what you told me last night, and I perhaps it’s not my place to say this about your parents, but they really did a number on you. Jane laughed, “whatever made you think about that, and what do you mean.”
“Well” he said, “I quite fancied you when we were in the cab together, but at the time, even when we got to the hotel, i thought you were a bit wet”. “Well, it was raining,” said jane. ‘Oh, don’t be flippant, said Jim, I’m trying to be a little bit serious here. “As yesterday evening progressed, and today, it was amazing for me to see you coming out of yourself. Then when I thought you’d agreed to join me on stage and then you came up and sang so well, it was like I’d just seen someone transform themselves in my company over the space of thirty six hours.” Jane was tempted to explain ‘old jane’ and ‘new jane’ with glasses and hearing aids but thought it would be too difficult. So, she just said “Well, darling I’d never met anyone like you before, so confident without being brash and so on”.. But Jim waved her to silence. “Perhaps I should explain what I meant when I said your parents had done a number on you” . “While I was training to be a teacher we did a module on how to recognise and deal with gifted adolescents. By ‘gifted’ I don’t just mean infant prodigies , brats who do their A levels at 12 and start Uni at 15. The theory is called Parental Involuntary Suppression of talent. Between the ages of six and sixteen many children manifest exceptional capabilities in one field or another but they lack the social skills to moderate their behaviour in line with societal norms and particularly family expectations. Putting it simply they can be mocked, laughed at, shamed or just subjected to unreasonable criticisms until they start to recognise those behaviours result in negative emotions. The best way to describe it is being subject to persistent disapprobation. But the important psychological aspect is how as a child to adult you deal with it beyond the age of sixteen, you have to develop coping strategies. Of course I’m over simplifying it. In the other direction, adolescents can turn into precocious brats, parents can start to live vicariously through their children. Or by late teens, the individual has been hot housed and burns out.
Jane, crying, snuggled into Jim’s neck. “That sums up my childhood very well. I don;t know if I;ve yet developed a coping strategy but I’m certainly trying, but I would really like it if you’d allow me to include you as part of it” Jim whispered (loudly) in her ear, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world” Jane said, “I now understand something I always struggled with in Shakespeare’s plays. It’s that recurring thread about the unintended but malign influence parents can have on their children’s lives. It can be a whole scene, like in Hamlet, or just the casual few words in Othello.
Later, they prepared to go down to breakfast together, Jane applied a little makeup, inserted her hearing and while Jim was in the bathroom changed her contact lenses and put on the glasses. At breakfast the day before, ‘New Jane’ had hardly seemed a real person. Today was very different.
After breakfast, Jim asked if she minded waiting while he went out for a smoke. . “Not if you’ll let me come with you” “Ok said Jim, echoing their conversation from last night, but there’s one condition,” “What’s that?” said Jane wondering what it could be. “Don’t you dare ask me for a cigarette. You said you occasionally smoked at College, and already I think I’ve led you far too quickly into my world.”
“I’ll tell you what” said Jane, “this Hotel has a hairdressing salon. Meet me there, it was empty when we came by. Do I have time to get a haircut? I’m sick of this long hair, I;ve worn it this way since I was a teenager and I am fed up of having to keep putting it up.
It was over an hour before Jane returned to her room to pack her clothes and redo her makeup. Jim had said it would take him quite some time for the band to pack their gear and load it into the van. But they arranged to rejoin each other at the front of the Hotel.
Jim was already there when Jane approached, he just had his bag over his shoulder, Any observer would at first have thought them to be unlikely companions, but their obvious comfort when they saw each other soon contradicted that impression. Jane was wearing a hat that covered her hair. When she was just within arms reach,she pulled off the hat.. All Jim could say was “Wow, you look fantastic .” And, “You don’t still have your room key do you? The train isnt for another hour and we might just have time to..” Jane giggled and said, “what a shame, I’ve already handed my key in. After they kissed Jim said, “The band were all asking if you would come to our next gig in about a month?” “I think I’d love that, but only if we can spend lots of time together while you coaching me?” “That’s exactly what I told them I’d do if you said yes, and we always try to have at least one full band rehearsal between gigs.”
In the cab Jane wanted to discuss the next time they could meet, asking Jim to send the music for the set list. But Jim stopped her: “I want to tell you” he said, Prior to last night, I’d made my mind up to quit the band. Being together with you over the last two days and you joining me on stage has changed how I feel about it.”
“But why so? Asked Jane. I loved doing it and am looking forward to it again, but you and the band are really good, how is it that I have changed how you think about it? “ You saw how you lifted their performance during and after your number. I;ve been running the band now for two years and I thought we’d got to be as good as we were ever going to be, and we’d just get stale.
A wise and older friend once said to me - ‘Never stay in a job you are good at for more than two years. Never stay in a job you’re not good at for more than six months. Really, if after two years you’ve not been promoted or the Job has not grown around you, there’s no point in staying around. You’ve already achieved all you are going to achieve. But my ‘job’ if you can call it that has suddenly grown around me since you came on the scene.
Jim leaned forward, slid the cabbie’s window shut and took Jane’s hands in his. “Jane, we’ve only known each other for two days, but if you will, I desperately want you to be in my life. I’m nearly ten years older than you and there’s a lot of things I need to tell you about, particularly my dark times.
The End
Barbara’s Song Julie Covington