My sister and I met for lunch today, the first time we had seen each other since mom’s funeral 3 weeks ago. Just prior to her death mom had made a deathbed confession to the two of us, and I must give my sister credit, because she didn’t loose her mind over what mom had told us. I was totally shocked myself, but the confession wasn’t going to change anything, and I also felt that what was done is done. For 35 years I had believed that my sister and I had each been born with a severe case of progressive myopia. My sister, who was a year older than me has a bit stronger minus prescription than I have, as she is right around -30.00D while I am only around -26.50D. But when you are a -26.50D myope, there isn’t a whole heck of a lot of difference if you have another -3.50D in your prescription. We thought our myopia had come from our mother, who needed, and wore, a -12D prescription for as long as we had lived. When she died at age 81, 3 weeks ago, she could still wear the same old glasses that she wore back when we were kids. She had frequently gotten new glasses over the years, mostly when either Lisa or I got them, but since her vision had stabilized when she was younger, she certainly did not need new glasses with the same frequency that Lisa and I did. Lisa and I discussed the information that had been revealed to us, and we had both come to the same conclusion. We did not love mom any less, and we did not hate her for what she had done to us. Apparently, according to her confession – and we had no reason to doubt her - she had somehow gotten a pair of -15D glasses for Lisa when Lisa was just under 2 years old. It had been a bit of a struggle for her to keep those glasses on Lisa’s face, but with the aid of a tight strap she had managed. A year later Lisa had gone to an eye doctor, and she now actually required glasses for -15D of myopia. Once Lisa had her own prescribed new glasses, I had inherited the old pair of glasses that Lisa had worn strapped to her head for the previous year, and a year later I was prescribed with glasses that needed to be -15D. Neither Lisa nor I remembered any of this. We both thought that we had been always very nearsighted and thus needed glasses. And what was even more interesting was that mom had also forced her eyes to wear a stronger prescription all throughout her teenaged years, until her eyes were no longer willing to accept a higher prescription than the -12D that she wore until her death. My sister had a word for what mom had done to us. She called it Munchausen Syndrome, but I had always thought that this syndrome was for fictional or made up illnesses. There was no fiction in our myopia. I guarantee you that the blur that my eyes saw when I removed my glasses was real. Lisa had ended up with a little stronger prescription than I had, but I suspect that this might have been due to the fact that she wore contact lenses for the four years that she went to university, while I had never felt that I needed to try contacts. I never had any problem with wearing glasses, and when I was growing up the best part of waking up was not Folgers in my cup, it was sliding my glasses onto my nose and seeing the blur disappear into the clarity that can only be provided by a strong minus lens. For some reason I loved having my eyes behind 2 pieces of plastic, and most of the time I even called my glasses my eyes. As I discussed my thoughts and feelings about this with Lisa, I was a little surprised to find that she also felt the same way. She had not worn contact lenses since she was 23, it had been 13 years since she had gone back to wearing glasses and the whole world knew her as the lady who wore the thick glasses. Finally, my sister and I had done as much talking about this as we could. Now we knew why mom had never remarried after our father was killed in a car accident soon after I was born. Mom knew that she wanted to make Lisa nearsighted and was afraid of being caught if she had a man in her life. Lisa and I knew that in the weeks to come what had happened would sink in further and we would likely want to have further discussions. With that we split the lunch bill and parted company, Lisa going back to her husband Andrew and her 2 kids, and I was heading back to my partner and our 2 children. Debbie and I had never married, and Katherine, the oldest girl, might have well as been mine, but she was from another father. Her younger sister Mandy was the product of both of us, and sometimes this caused a little friction between Mandy and Kat. Kat is slightly myopic – well, slightly according to me, but blind without her glasses according to Kat. She really didn’t understand the difference between my -26.50D uncorrected prescription and her uncorrected -3.50D. At age 14 she was right at the prime age for her to have some myopic progression as she grew taller and filled out more. I had thought the last time, when I ordered her new glasses online, that it would be nice to add a little to her spherical – you know, maybe get her up to -4.50 and then slip a little extra in there the next time she had her eyes tested. But I had quenched my desire to do that and had ordered her glasses in the exact prescription that her eye doctor gave her. Now, with mom’s confession ringing in my ears I was glad that I had not given in to any temptation. Kat was already squinting at things, and it looked to me as if she needed a visit to the eye doctor again only 6 months after she had gotten her new glasses. Adding a diopter to her prescription might have prevented Kat needing new glasses again so soon. But if I had done that without her knowledge this would have made me no better than my mother, and now knowing what mom had done I don’t know if I could have lived with myself. Normal myopia does advance on its own, but by bumping the power of her glasses Kat might end up with a strong prescription and if she hated that I would have felt terrible. I like the appearance of stronger glasses, although I do know that some people find that the appearance of my strong glasses puts them off a little. Mandy was now 11, and I had always figured that with my sister Lisa’s and my genetics she would likely eventually need glasses. When I made an appointment for Kat, I figured I might as well make one for Mandy as well. Kat actually needed those -4.50D glasses I had wanted to order for her 6 months ago. I explained to her what I had thought of doing, but had held off, because I didn’t want to do anything without explaining to her the reason why. After I discussed the probable progression of her myopia with her, she realized that she would likely be heading back to the eye doctor in another 6 months for stronger glasses. She asked me what she should do, and I told her that if she were me, I would order new glasses with a -5.50D prescription. They would feel a little strong at first, but they would likely last her for at least a year. She thought it over for a while before she told me to go ahead. Mandy had also needed to get her first pair of glasses, and while they were only -0.75D she heard me discussing getting stronger glasses and for the reason I suggested with Kat, Mandy wanted me to do the same thing with her. I told her I would not do that. Kat had no astigmatism, and her first pair of glasses had been -1.75D. I suggested to Mandy that if she felt her glasses were getting too weak, she could likely wear Kat’s original first pair of glasses and that seemed to satisfy her. I did give in to temptation and I increased the prescription in Kat’s new glasses to -6.00D for both eyes. When they came in Kat tried them on, said they felt a little strange, but she could see really well with them on. A few days later I asked her how they felt now, and she told me they were great. That is when I told her that I had ordered them as -6D. After I had told her that I didn’t feel as badly as I would have if I had kept it a secret because I also told her that if they felt a little too strong for her to wear comfortably, I would have ordered her weaker glasses. I hadn’t held back any punches. She knew that the stronger glasses would likely increase her prescription. But I had also told her that her own genetics would stop the increase of her myopia whenever she had reached what I considered her genetic maximum. I told her about my own mother, who had reached a prescription of -12D and had never had another increase for the next 60 years. What did surprise me a little was that within 2 months Mandy was wearing Kat’s old -1.75D glasses all of the time. She told me that she couldn’t see very well with her own glasses now, and that Kat’s glasses were perfect for her. I didn’t argue, although Debbie, who had never worn glasses a day in her life wasn’t too happy and wanted to take Mandy back to the eye doctor. Debbie had dated, and had since lived with me, knowing that I was completely dependent on the -26.50D glasses that I had worn since I was around 23 years old. But, as a mother, she was a little worried about her daughters’ vision and wondered what the chances were that they might end up as shortsighted as Lisa or me. For some reason unknown to me, Lisa and I had pretty decent vision with our strong glasses. Normally, the reason a high myope who wears strong glasses can’t see the 20/40 line on the eye chart is not because they can’t see clearly, but that to a very high myope the 20/40 line looks to be the same size as the 20/20 line looks to a normally sighted person due to the large amount of minification caused by the powerful deeply concaved or biconcave lenses they wear. For some reason both Lisa and I were able to see the 20/30 line quite well, and as a result we were both able to drive. We both visited our ophthalmologist yearly, and so far, neither of us had experienced any retinal problems, or myopic macular degeneration. Neither of us had glaucoma and when they did the internal mapping of our eyes the fundus looked quite good as well. As a result, the negligible uncorrected eyesight we had did not scare any of our children, and Debbie was not really worried that either of our girls would have any serious problems with their eyes. She, like both of the girls, did not want them to end up with the very strong glasses that Lisa and I needed to wear, but at least they were not worried about going blind. I know Lisa and I had worried about that when we were teenagers and our eyes kept getting worse and worse. Lisa and Bob had been blessed with a boy and a girl, and their girl was 2 years older than Kat. She didn’t need glasses, nor did her brother, who was now 18. I suspect that this was a disappointment for Bob, because both Lisa and I knew that Bob was a closet fancier of myopic women. He had let a few things slip when he and Lisa were dating, and Lisa and I had determined that Bob likely had a thing for ladies who needed strong glasses. He was the one who convinced her to give up wearing contact lenses. He also told her that her strong glasses didn’t matter to him at all. He loved her for the really great person she was. But we both knew that Bob was optically obsessed and when he asked her to marry him Lisa asked me for my advice. I told her that for a lady who couldn’t see a thing without wearing the very strong myodiscs she needed there was likely no better choice around than a guy who loved her, as well as the strong glasses she wore. And so far, my advice had proven to be true. With Bob around Lisa never needed to clean her own glasses. He always bought her new glasses every 2 years and now she had an old pair for wearing in the shower, as well as a pair that she could wear when reading in bed so that if she fell asleep wearing them and bent the frame it didn’t matter. Lisa and I chuckled a few times about Bob’s love of her glasses, and she admitted that I had been correct in my advice. I did figure that Bob was a little disappointed that Nicole had not become a wearer of strong glasses like her mom, and now likely never would as she was 16 and the years of myopic progression were fading. I don’t know if I should be worried about Mandy and Kat though. I have noticed that Mandy is frequently wearing Kat’s old – 3.50D glasses around the house and I know that if I have caught her at this a few times I am almost willing to bet that she is wearing them a lot more than I think she is. I would also bet that she is wearing those old -3.50D glasses of Kat’s to school every day. I should be worried about this I suppose, but if my daughter wants to end up having to wear a strong prescription, I am not going to stop her. I just will not ever become my mother, as I don’t want to have to shock my girls like my mother did to my sister and I with her deathbed confession. Specs4ever April 2020
https://vision-and-spex.com/the-deathbed-confession-t2190.html