When I was 10 years old my mom who was often beaten and treated bad by my dad decided to make an end to the violence she had to suffer and stabbed my dad. She was damned by court and brought to prison for the next 10 years. Her cousin Jil offered to take care of me and become my legal guard and so I moved to her little house in the big city next to the village where we had lived before. Jil was a very humble person. She worked as a university-teacher and had no husband and kids. We came into a relaxed routine of living together. She had a small dog that became my best friend in the first days I stayed with her. After some weeks of living together Jil sugested to clear up the little house so we both could use the space more comfortable. We worked a whole weekend , the plan was to make it possible that I could move to the room under the roof of the house, where she before had stored the stuff she didn’t need anymore. By sorting out things in this room we looked through many boxes and drawers so Jil could decide if she wanted to keep the stuff or not. In one of the drawers in one wardrobe was more than a dozen of glasses-cases with glasses inside. Jil- she needed to wear strong glasses to see well- thought about what to do with them. They all were too weak for her now and no use anymore. But she had spent quite some money to get them and hesitated to throw them away. I suggested, she could just leave them in the wardrobe and decide later. There would be enough space left for my stuff. She thought this to be a good idea. So I lived in a room with acces to a whole bunch of glasses. In the beginning I neglected this fact completely. But on one rainy afternoon with nothing to do I had the idea to inspect the drawer and its content. I had never glasses in my hands till then and from the first one I had in my hands I was fascinated by their preciousness, their smoothe feel and the effect the glasses showed, when looking through them from afar. It didn’t take long and I had a strong wish to put a pair of them on. I loved the feeling of wearing glasses instantly. I was unable to see clear through them, but found it interesting to see the world around me as a more vague picture like on an impressionistic painting. From then on whenever I had nothing else to do I experimented with Jils filed glasses. I had them on and walked around in my room for some time or looked through them out of the window. I was more and more fascinated by the glasses in my wardrobe. I found out that they had different power and that I was able to get a bit more distinguishing view when using the weaker ones. But I was unable to see clear with any of them. I started to use one of the weaker glasses as my favorite, it had a plastic frame with darkbrown rims on the upper side that gradiented to the lower part to clear plastic. I extended the time of wearing them more and more. After some weeks I had them on every day for over an hour. And it seemed to me, that step by step I felt more comfortable looking through them. I had a strong wish to try them outside the confines of my room. I started to take them with me on walks with the dog. After being far away enough from our house, so Jil could not discover me, I got them out and put them on. Walking outside with the impairment the glasses caused was not easy, but after some time I got more used to the limited ability to see clear when doing my rounds with the dog. I imagined that this was how people with impaired eyesight see the world when walking without glasses. Now I was one of them. One day- Jil had told me, that she had to stay longer in the university and would come home very late I made an extra long walk with dog and glasses. On this walk I met a girl from my schoolclass. Well I diddn’t expect to meet her and because of my not so clear view through the glasses I didn’recognize her at instant, but she did. “ Hy Tom, is that you? Nice to meet you” I felt very uneasy to meet her, but we talked together for a while and I felt better because she did not mention the fact that I met her with glasses on. But then she said: “I ‘m surprised to see you wearing glasses” I was very embarrasse and stuttered “ Ah Magda, err , well, “ what should I say my god “ah well, normaly I wear contacts, but sometimes I change to glasses” “ I didn’t know that. They suit you very good.” She smiled at me. We kept on talking for a while and then said goodbye. My heart bumped heavy after that encounter. Magda would sure tell classmates about our encounter and there might be questions. But in the same moment I felt charmed by the compliment she had given me. I felt more pleased to wear these glasses now. I took another long round with the dog and when aproaching home I had my next unexpected encounter. Jil had come back earlier and crossed my way “Tom is that you. You are out late. Nice to walk home together. My conference was over earlier than I thought.” We talked when walking side by side and I felt trapped. What was going on, had Jil not realised that I wear glasses? But when arriving home and entering the house and turning on the light she looked at me with astonishment “But what is this? Why do you wear glasses?” I felt very confused and could not say a word or get a clear thought. Still wearing the glasses I stood there and looked at Jil. “ Tom you should not do this” Jil said in a careing mode “ Better take the glasses off. They are not good for your eyes, they are made for people who are shortsighted like me.Okay?” I was still unable to speak. Jil got off her coat, me too and she started to prepare supper with me sitting paralized at the table. “ Why do you wear these glasses? I am sure you can’t see good with them on. They are really strong strong. It’s a bit weird for me to see you sitting here like that.” She smiled at me. I felt embarrassed, but now as I was discovered I feared Jil could take the glasses away from me. I thought it doesnt matter anymore if i just leave them on and wait what would happen. We started to eat. For me it was the first time eating with glasses on. Jil gave me a lot of looks. “If you keep on wearing these glasses you will reach a point when theres no going back you will then need glasses permanently, do you want that” I gave her a shy smile but still was unable to speak. Jil shook her head and sighed. I said goodnight to her and raised up to my room and locked the door. Sitting in my room and thinking about this evening I realised, that my ability to see with glasses on had improved quite a bit. I was for the first time able to read the Clock on my nightstand and bigger letters on the cover of books. I tried reading a comicstrip and was surprised that I was able to decipher most of the text and pictures. This thrilled me. Was it possible to get used to these glasses if I left them on long enough? The next two days, there was no school, Jil was such a soft person that I never acted harsh or angry. She was sure worried that I use her old glasses and would keep on trying to persuade me to take them off. But I had the hope, she might give up commenting if I would from now on wear these glasses from morning to evening with absolute casualness. Should I really do that?
Next morning after going to the bathroom and dressing Jil called up to me and asked, if I would like to go to the bakery and get some fresh rolls. It sounded conciliatory to me. I called back that I would come in a minute and do that. My heart bumped, I felt, that I stood before a decision of tremendous importance for my further life. If I put on the glasses now it might be forever. I hesited for some seconds and then put the glasses on carefuly. I looked in the mirror and in the bright morninglight I saw my face halfeway clear with the glasses. I liked the look, my eyes were like Jils a bit smaller and there was a cutout on the side of my face behind the glasses. A small beam of sunlight glimpsing through the leaves outside hit my glasses and burst in a reflection. I had made my decision and went downstaires. Jil looked at me coming and pressed her hand on her mouth and shook her head. She gave me money and with the dog I walked out of the house to the bakery. I felt more selfeconfident than ever. Coming home we had breakfast and I told Jil what happened in school the last days and Jil told about what happened at university last week. She tried to act normal as if nothing special had happened, but it was obvious, that she was concerned about the fact that I wore her old glasses with implicitness. Through the weekend my view through glasses improved again. I wasn’t able to read small letters but things got more and more clear. Before going to bed my eyes were well accustomed to wearing glasses. In the morning it took a bit of time until they were in tune. Through this tuning I could feel my eyes working. Mondaymorning I left the house to go to school with glasses on. I was nervous about the reactions of my schoolmates. And then almost everybody made comments, but all of them were positive. When meeting Magda, she came to me with a smile”much better than with contacts. Please leave it like that” It took a couple of days and I was able to read without problems. The glasses became part of me and I was sure I would never regret my decision. Jils concern vanished and after a couple of weeks, when we had lunch together she said:” Well I think I am a very bad legal guardian. I failed to keep you away from wearing glasses. I hope you never reproach this to me” “ Sure not Jil, I thought about it before I decided to wear glasses constantly, its so pleasing to put on the glasses in the morning and see the world come into focus and have my eyes sheltered all day. And I can see so perfect now, its like having eagle eyes.” “But how did you get the idea to start wearing glasses though not needing them?” “Well, I just was nosy and one day I tried them on for the first time. In the beginning just some minutes, then longer and then I started walking the dog with them. And step by step my ability to see got better and better.” “Oh my god, I should have thrown the glasses away when we cleared the house” “ No, I am glad you did not. Its like a gift to have this wardrobe with glasses” “ you are mad Tom” she stroked my head.
Over the next years I tried some of the other glasses in my wardrobe and step by step I got used to more and more stronger glasses. I loved them the stronger the better. When I was 14 Jil brought me to her optician that checked my eyes. I needed glasses with -12.5 Diopers left and -11.75 right.
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