Darned mirrors are getting weird these day. I know I am getting older, but honestly, what I am seeing in mirrors can’t be a true reflection of my image. The old guy looking back at me is definitely not someone I would recognize on the street. And every day there are more aches and pains. The friend I depend on the most these days is Ibi Profen, and I call on him maybe two or three times a day. I thought it was wonderful news when my eye doctor told me that I needed to have my cataract operated on. I guess I should have listened to the phrase he used a little closer because I didn’t realize that he was only going to do one eye. I begged and pleaded with him to leave me nearsighted in that eye. It took a lot of convincing but he finally agreed to do that since I had gone my whole life with monovision because I had always been a low minus in that one eye. I had originally been ecstatic because I had a friend that had managed to convince his doctor 10 years earlier that he worked on fine electronic parts for a living and his near point vision had more importance to him than his distance vision. He ended up convincing his doctor to operate on both eyes, 2 weeks apart and he has worn -10D glasses ever since. I suppose it helped that he was still working, that he actually did work in the electronic field, that his cataracts developed rather suddenly at an early age(he was 58 then), and that he had no medical insurance and was paying for everything out of his own pocket. A lot of men are attracted to females that need and wear strong glasses, but have no desire to wear glasses themselves. Others of us like females that wear strong glasses, but we also have a huge desire to wear glasses ourselves. Steve was like that and so was I. He told me that his conversion to a -10D glasses wearer made his life feel so much better that I was ready for the same, but while Steve had been successful with his desire, I was not going to be as fortunate. Steve had signed a release form absolving the eye doctor from all responsibility regarding the outcome, and in the release it stated that the final prescription could vary by as much as 3 diopters either way. Steve was fortunate. He would have been thrilled with as high as -13D and not as pleased with -7D but he was right on the money with -10D. Me – well, all the begging and pleading resulted in me having my former -2.50 x -1.00 x 90 right eye prescription ending up with -1.00D x -1.25D x 90. And my cataract in the left eye, while visibly growing, was still below the threshold for operating, and would remain so for another 2 years. As well, all of the old biddy’s that were chasing after me had gotten their cataracts removed and not one of them still wore the thick plus glasses that had turned me off. But even so they still didn’t attract me without them needing strong minus glasses. Finally! Finally after 2 years my left eye was ready for the surgery. Very satisfactory said the Doctor. Not at all happy said me the patient. The damned doctor had made me a permanent + 0.50, even with me asking him to make me a little on the minus side. But what was done was done and I had to live with it. The only times I was sort of happy were the times I could put in my plus contacts and do GOC. But I now knew so many people around my area that I was too afraid at being caught to go out wearing my thick, strong glasses. My kids had been after me to move into a senior residence, especially after I fell and bruised myself up pretty badly. Like I said, I no longer recognized the clumsy old guy living inside my body. But I had to do something. I just wasn’t happy, and finally I found a senior residence that was far enough from my house that the danger of meeting up with any of my old friends was minimized, but I was still going to be close enough that my kids could easily come to visit – as long as I didn’t hold my breath waiting on them. My room consisted of a bed, a couple of chairs, a small kitchenette table with 2 chairs and a desk that I used a chair from the kitchenette table at when I was using my laptop. When I moved I had reduced my glasses collection down to only 4 pairs, the strongest of which were a pair that were -40D that I wore with the corresponding contact lenses, and fortunately my vision was good enough that I no longer needed to wear any glasses when I went out. I could put in my contacts and wear one of my pairs of GOC glasses down to meals if I wished. Or I could go without any contacts and glasses and all the other residents would all think I was just wearing contacts. There was a mall within walking distance so I would often put on my favorite pair of GOC glasses and head for the mall. I had kept 4 pairs and I had discovered that no one really paid any attention to the lenses in your glasses. Or, if they did, a simple little explanation that these glasses have a different lens material, but the prescriptions are the same was enough to end further discussion. My strongest pair were biconcave double myodiscs in a -40D prescription and my weakest pair was a pair of -20D biconcave lenses with a bit of a myodisc look to them and no one could really tell that they were different powers. I loved it. I wore the -40D glasses as often as I could. Some days I would wear them for around 16 hours and would even shower with them on. Then I would remove my contact lenses and go off to bed, placing the glasses in their case and putting it beside my bed. This was a bit of a stupid move, because without putting the contacts in first I could see about as much with the glasses on as I could with the contacts in and the glasses off. But I liked to put the glasses on first thing when I woke up, and I would lie there looking into the blur until I walked into the bathroom and put in my contacts. I guess I had been at the senior residence, or as I liked to call it “Gods Holding Pen” for about 2 years now. Others didn’t like it when I called it my nickname, but I told them that it was really a holding pen where we were waiting to die, and no amount of card playing or afternoon movies could change that fact. The only way a room became available was if a resident went out feet first. I don’t think I was really a very popular person because of my bluntness, but I didn’t care, as each and every one of us was eventually going out dancing with the Grim Reaper. One morning I woke up and as usual I reached for my glasses. I put them on, expecting the same morning blur, but I must have forgotten to take out my contact lenses the night before. Except I never forget to take out my contacts, and the usual burning sensation if I left them in too long was not there. I went to get out of bed, but now I couldn’t move. I lay there for a while, and then came the morning bed check at the door. If a resident does not come down for breakfast they check the room to make sure you are all right. I could not move, nor could I speak, so they opened the door, and the nurse checked my pulse. The last thing I remember was someone saying “he’s gone.” I think I was in Heaven. I know I was in heaven to myself, because I was wearing my glasses, my strongest glasses and I didn’t have my contacts in. You don’t know how many times I had wished for that to happen – or maybe you do, if you also do GOC. It wasn’t long before I realized that everyone’s face was nothing but a blur. Every one there had their face blurred out like we used to see on television when they were hiding a person’s identity. I soon realized that my biggest thrill when wearing glasses was to be spotted by that one person in a hundred who could actually look at me and see that my glasses were extraordinarily strong, but here no one could see my face either. So no one could tell that I was even wearing glasses. This dying sucked. At least back in the land of the living some people were able to spot my glasses and tell that they were extremely strong. After a little while longer I wasn’t even sure if I was in Heaven, or if I had been sent to Hell. Here I was, having had my greatest wish answered, and no one could see me. That was more like Hell. The lyrics below are from a song called Mad World sung back in the 80’s by Tears for Fears and then in the early 2000’s by Gary Jules. It has been the theme in a couple of movies and on a few children’s TV programs. I think it fits the story well. The lyrics are used without permission and are not used for commercial purposes. I changed the word familiar to empty to fit the story a little better. All around me are empty faces Worn out places, worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow . Specs4ever August 2018