As I sit on the beach. the water is slowly rolling in and the waves are lapping gently on the shoreline. I have always loved the beach, and the thought of never coming back here leaves me with an empty heart. When I was a young girl, I had run on this beach with my yellow lab Benjie for hours. We had swum together in the clear blue waters on sunny days, on rainy days, on cloudy days and on any of the days that ended with a “y”. Sitting here alone made me miss Benjie even more, although he has now been gone for 17 years. Today is a perfect day with the sky a vivid blue and the wispy clouds drift slowly towards the town, blown by the gentle breezes. I miss Benjie terribly, almost as much as I miss the good times I had here with my parents and my siblings. Wade, my older brother, is gone, a victim of a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. Sheila is a year and a half younger than I am, and Jason is almost 4 years younger, so I am the oldest living child of Rob and Marie Wilson. My dad Rob is aging rapidly. He can no longer keep up with the repairs required on the cottage as well as the maintenance on our childhood home back in the city. My siblings and I have been tasked with coming up here and sorting out anything we left behind. Anything that we want to keep that is, as dad is going to be putting the cottage on the market as soon as possible. Sheila, Jason and I talked for hours about buying the cottage from our parents, but finally we all decided that it would not be a workable solution. I couldn’t get away this summer and I know Sheila wasn’t able to visit either, but Jason managed to spend a week with our parents. I wondered if the fact that only one of the kids managed to come to the cottage was part of the reason mom and dad had decided to sell it. Now, I am the first one of us to come up, to spend a week in the early fall cleaning away my childhood memories. I stood up and shook away the sand from the towel I had been sitting on. I probably could have gone swimming because the water was still warm enough from the summer sun. But I didn’t feel comfortable enough without Benjie around to guide me back to shore. I walked to the deck of the cottage and came up the steps to the door. The familiarity of the kitchen and living area almost made tears come to my eyes. I headed for the center bedroom. Wade and Jason had lived in the bedroom to the left, mom and dad had the room to the right and Sheila and I were in the center room, with the bathroom between our room and our parents. There were bunk beds on each side of the doorway. Both Sheila and I had chosen the lower bunks, so any friends we had come to the cottage with us got to use the upper ones. There were built in drawers below the bed, and when I opened the drawers that had been mine, I saw things I had forgotten about for years. I grabbed an armful and headed for the kitchen table, dumping my treasures on the table while I sorted. I took a garbage bag from under the sink counter and opened it up. None of the clothing would fit me anymore, and most of it was too worn out to be of any use to anyone so all that went into the garbage. My prescription swim goggles fell from the clothing and landed on the table. How long had it been since I had been able to wear them? Then a glasses case was exposed when I lifted up an old red swimsuit. I slowly slid the glasses from the case. When I looked at them, I could not help but remember my days of wearing them. They had become my emergency cottage pair and to the best of my recollection they had been the ones I wore when I was 9 or 10 years old. That would have been 1998 or 1999, as I was born in 1989. Those were the days when your only choice of lenses was polycarbonate, regular CR39 plastic or high index glass. I had tried polycarbonate in the pair before this pair. The polycarbonate lenses were terrible. I could not see very well at the best of times, but with the polycarb lenses my vision was really poor. These glasses were CR39, because little girls with eyesight as poor as mine did not dare wear glasses with glass lenses in case they broke. As I looked at the glasses, I remembered that at age 9 my prescription was -16.50D. These glasses looked to be every diopter of that. The front was dished in deeply and while the rear of the lens was full field the lenses in these glasses likely took up every millimeter of the thickness of the lens blank. I could not really remember why these glasses had been left behind, but I hadn’t missed them for the past 20 or so years. I did get contact lenses when I was 13, and my prescription was right at -20D but there had been a couple of pairs of glasses that I wore between the age of 10 and when I turned 13. I remember the -18.00D plastic lensed superlenti glasses that I hated. They were not as thick as this pair, but they had a circle in the center of each lens that you had to really be careful not to let your eyes slip away from the very center or you got weird blurry images from the blended part. And I think there was another pair that were somewhere around -19D, maybe -19.25D. They had circles in them, and they were called regular lenticular myodiscs. Until I got contact lenses I was “Rob and Marie’s poor little almost blind daughter.” My yellow lab Benjie was trained to be a guide dog, although that never became necessary. My parents had a blind tutor for me who taught me to read Braille, and I am still able to do so to this day. I would never be able to see well enough to drive a car, and it was thought that I would likely be legally blind by the time I was 30. I am now almost 32 thank you, and I drove myself to the cottage in my own car. Yes, I have some restrictions. I am only able to drive in daylight hours, and only while I am wearing contact lenses. I do not hide the fact that I have vision problems, but of course I never bring it up unless someone asks me about my poor eyesight and that is something only long term friends and family know about so the subject does not come up very often. The doctors felt that my myopia was progressive, and it would continue to progress until I was unable to be corrected any further. They felt that at some point in time I would have retinal detachments that may or may not be able to be re attached. Fortunately, my progression stopped when I was 25 with a prescription of -28D. With my -21D contact lenses I am able to see all of the 20/40 line on the eyechart. My retinas are checked twice yearly and so far, I have not even needed a laser treatment to repair any tears. My ophthalmologist claims that I have been very fortunate. But I do have problems. Lately I have noticed a little double vision when I am tired. I am also finding it is not that comfortable for me to wear my lenses for much longer than 12 hours a day. On my visit to my ophthalmologist last week, he advised me that my eyes are showing signs that I have been wearing my contact lenses for far too many hours at a time. He suggested that I really must get myself a new pair of glasses that have prism in the lenses along with my full -28D prescription. Apparently, I need 1 degree base down in one eye and 1 degree base up in the other to eliminate the little bit of double vision I have been noticing. When I asked if I could have the prism put in my contact lenses, he told me no, only in glasses. I suggested that I could have prism glasses made to wear over my contact lenses and that is when he told me he was going to have to cut me back from wearing my contacts for as long as I had been. He didn’t say that I couldn’t wear them anymore, but he did say that if I didn’t follow his advice, it was highly likely that within a year, I would reach a point where my eyes rejected the contact lenses and then my only option would be to wear glasses, as he would not recommend me having any sort of an operation until cataracts affected my eyesight. And that makes for one H of a dilemma. If I were to have to wear glasses all the time, I would not be able to keep driving. If I had to stop driving, I would have to move closer to public transit – or quit my job and since I am self-employed that ain’t happening. My boyfriend has never seen me wearing glasses. I am afraid if I can’t wear contacts, he is liable to tell me goodbye, and I like Danny a lot – probably a lot more than he likes me. He knows I wear contacts and I told him I am almost blind without them, but people with much lower prescriptions always talk about how blind they are, so I don’t think he has any idea of how blind I really am. Which reminds me – I had better take my contacts out so I can rest my eyes and put my glasses on while I am getting my supper together. I have my glasses on now, and let me tell you, it is impossible to buy attractive looking glasses with a -28D prescription. This pair does not have my newly required prism, but they are in a plastic frame that is a smaller size than the fashion market calls trendy. If your diopter numbers are from 1 to 5, either in plus or minus, you can wear trendy frames. And that is the problem for me. There is such a large percentage of the population that is in this prescription range that I can never fit into. I see young ladies with strong prescriptions that try to wear trendy frames by using what is called blended myodiscs, but I wore, and hated them when I was 10 and 11 years old. And they really do not hide the fact that you are very dependent on your glasses. I have eaten, and since there is no television here in the cottage I am going for a walk on the beach. I don’t care what people think of my glasses around here because I will never be back. I just want to scream. It is so unfair. Of all the people I could run into on my walk it had to be Rick Sanders. Rick was my brother Wade’s best friend here in town and I had a massive crush on him the summer I was 13 and got my first contact lenses at the end of the summer before going back to school. Rick and Wade were both 15 that year and I dreamed of coming back the following summer wearing contacts and then having Rick notice me and want to take me out and be his girlfriend. But that year Rick and Wade went off to cadet camp together and I don’t think Rick even saw me not wearing my glasses. And my damned glasses were the main reason Rick recognized me tonight. I guess I was sort of staring at him though because he was walking his dog – a yellow lab that looked so much like my Benjie that I was dying inside when he walked up to me and spoke my name. Why oh why had I decided to go out walking the beach wearing my glasses? He acted like my glasses didn’t bother him at all, but I know better. My glasses are so thick that they look ridiculous to most people. I guess Rick felt sorry for me. Or maybe it was because he and Wade were so close that caused him to ask me to go out to dinner with him the next night. I hadn’t even seen Rick for 10 years. Oh wait, he must have seen me wearing contacts at least once, because he was at Wade’s memorial service and that was when I was 21. I went to bed that night a bundle of nerves. My first crush and he had asked me out on a date. I am pretty sure he only did that out of pity for me though. The next morning, I put my glasses on the minute I woke up. I needed to wear glasses at least until lunchtime so that I could wear my contacts for no more than 10 hours and maybe I should wear my glasses until 2 o’clock to be sure I give my eyes the proper rest. I sorted through the rest of the stuff that was in the drawers under the bed, but everything ended up in the garbage bag. I packed my old swim goggles and my old glasses in my bag just for the fun of it because the prescriptions were so outdated, I could never have used them. I used to religiously donate my old glasses at my eye doctors until I read somewhere that glasses with really strong prescriptions and prescriptions with big differences between eyes were usually discarded and the low prescriptions were the only ones that made it to the third world countries. Since my eyes reached my present -28 D prescription when I was 25, I have only had one pair of glasses in the last 7 years. But that was going to change with my new prescription that had prism in it. And I was going to also buy a pair with just the prism correction, because even though I was cutting back on my contact lens wear time I wanted to avoid those little periods of double vision that I had been having. I actually wore my glasses until 3 o clock, and I got out of my bath. I put my lenses in before I did my makeup and my hair, and I think I looked pretty darned good for an almost 32 year old spinster. My current boyfriend Danny knows I would like to have 2 children, but he hasn’t suggested marriage yet and I have not stopped taking the pill. I have no desire to become a single mother as I have seen too many of my girlfriends go that route. It is bad enough that they get divorced after 10 years of marriage and have 2 kids to raise. I have no idea if Danny even wants to ask me to marry him, but I have been sort of hoping lately that he would hurry up and either drop me or ask me to marry him. At least if he left me, I would at least know where I stood, although with my poor eyesight I might have trouble hooking another guy. Rick showed up right on time. He took one look at me and exclaimed “Wow Ariel, you look fantastic!” We went to the fish restaurant in town. Since the town was right on the ocean it was only logical that there would be a good restaurant that served seafood, and The Lobster Tail had been here forever. Rick was a perfect gentleman, and I probably was reading more into it than it was, bit I almost felt that he was attracted to me. We came back to the cottage after we finished, and I made us coffee. Sitting in the living room with Rick and talking about the old days made me feel very comfortable. Yes, talking about Wade reminded me more than ever that he was gone, but just being with a person who knew Wade well made me feel at ease. I didn’t know I was having trouble with my contacts until Rick suggested that since I was blinking a lot maybe I should take out my contacts. He was correct. Once he mentioned that I realized that my lenses did feel a little scratchy, and I probably would be better off if I switched to my glasses. But I was not going to let Rick see me in glasses again. “It would be a lot better for your eyes if you took your contacts out now Ariel. It’s not like I have never seen you wearing glasses.” Rick mentioned. “I just don’t feel very comfortable being around people when I wear my glasses.’ I answered. “I had better go home now then Ariel, because I do not want to see you damage your cornea’s. But first I will tell you that back when I was 15 you are the first girl I ever had a crush on.” Rick said. “But, but I was wearing glasses back then.” I stuttered. “And even as strong as your glasses where you looked very cute wearing them. I think that that was why I eventually married a girl who needed strong glasses. You were so cute wearing your glasses I became enamored with girls wearing glasses. Like you, Denise refused to wear her glasses in public, and she ended up being unable to wear her contact lenses so that’s why I know the signs to watch for that you have had your lenses in longer than you should have.” Rick commented. “So, what happened to your marriage?” I asked. “Our goals and our outlook on life changed to a point where we were arguing all the time. I do not like conflict so one day, to our mutual relief, I told Denise I was leaving her and would not contest her if she wanted a divorce. We have been separated for 5 years and divorced for 3. Now are you going to take out your contacts or is it time for me to go?” Rick questioned. My mind still had not gotten around what Rick had told me. I could not believe he had even noticed me other than as Wade’s little sister with the thick glasses. And for him to tell me he had a crush on me the same time I had a crush on him – that was almost unbelievable. But I did get up and go to the washroom to take out my contacts. I wasn’t ready to have him leave, and I feared that if he left me tonight, he might walk right out of my life. Rick seemed to be happier when I came back out to join him wearing my glasses. And that was indeed the right move as we ended up in bed together that night. I don’t know if Rick was just more experienced than Danny, but the sex that Rick and I had far surpassed anything I had experienced with Danny. By the time morning came I had started to think that I could easily fall in love with Rick. Rick only had time for a coffee with me before he had to leave for work. I was still wearing my glasses, and when he left, he suggested that we could have supper at one of the other restaurants in town. He also mentioned that it wouldn’t hurt if I were to forgo wearing contacts for a day or two. I knew he was right, but the thoughts of appearing in public with him while we went for super was giving me the jitters. As the day went by, I really didn’t have anything to do. I run an insurance agency in a town that is 2 hours away, so I called in and checked with my girls, but there was nothing they needed me for. I had a couple of books with me, but I just couldn’t get into reading. I spent a lot of useless time doing what if scenarios. My insurance agency could easily be sold, and I could move here if Rick wanted me to marry him. I could likely buy or start another agency. Yes, I realize that so far it had just been a one night stand, but my heart wanted more, and my mind was fantasizing. It was time to get ready to go to dinner with Rick. I had always put my contacts in before I applied makeup, but I knew Rick wanted me to wear my glasses. I tried to put some eye shadow on, but my attempts were useless. And if I were to put my lenses in so I could see what I was doing I knew I would smudge my makeup taking my lenses back out. I never realized what a predicament it would be. If Rick wanted me to go out wearing glasses, he would just have to accept me as I was. I did put on a nice skirt and sweater as the evening was likely going to be cool. Rick had stopped by his place to change his clothing. He was wearing dress jeans, a shirt and a jacket and he looked fabulous. He complimented me on my outfit, and he remarked that he was pleased to see that I was still wearing my glasses. We drove to a diner that we had often gone to as kids and went inside. The waitress brought over water for both of us and asked if we wanted anything else to drink, but we told her we were good. When she came back to take our order, she looked at me for a minute. “Ariel?” she asked. It took me a minute. “Cindy, is that you?” Cindy had been Wade’s girlfriend when he was 15. She had put on a bit of weight, but she still looked quite attractive. Rick and I ordered, and she put the order in before she returned and sat down with us. The diner wasn’t terribly busy so whenever someone came in Cindy would take them water, give them menu’s and return to join us. She knew Rick of course, but she told me that she would not have known me if it hadn’t been for my glasses. I wouldn’t say I was hurt by that, but it certainly wasn’t the way I wanted to be recognized. Again, it was good to talk about Wade with people who had known him, and after we left the restaurant, I asked Rick if he wanted to come back to the cottage for a coffee again. Sex with Rick was so much better than it had ever been with Danny, and it was the same tonight. I only had 2 more days to spend here before I went back to my own apartment, but I was dreading my return. Any time I went out around home, and around the office I had always worn my contact lenses. If I had to follow my eye doctor’s advice to cut back on my contact lens wear that would mean that I was going to have to wear my glasses whenever I didn’t have to drive places. To appear wearing glasses would be very embarrassing for me, and I was afraid. But so far Rick didn’t have a problem with me wearing glasses and from what he had said so far, I had gotten the feeling that he liked my appearance just as much when I had my glasses on. I found that hard to believe, because for that past 19 or so years I had felt that my glasses were ugly, and I looked terrible wearing them. I had been awake thinking for a while before I felt Rick stir, and when he rolled over. I kissed him good morning, put my glasses on and went out to make him a coffee. He came out of the bedroom just as the coffee had finished dripping and we both had a cup. I was naked except for my robe and of course my glasses and he told me he could get used to waking up this way every morning. When he started to mention going out that night for dinner again, I hushed him and told him that he should come back here, and I would cook for him. I needed to go to the store for a few items. I could walk if I had to, but it was a long walk, and I would have a couple of bags of groceries to carry back. It had been a nice feeling to not wear my contact lenses for the past couple of days, but I needed to wear them to drive, so I got dressed and put them in. There was no scratchy feeling today, so it had been a good idea on Rick’s part for me to wear my glasses and give my eyes a rest. I drove to the store, bought what I needed along with a bottle of my favorite wine, and drove back to the cottage. My lenses felt fine in my eyes, and I was tempted to wear them the rest of the day, but I knew that the scratchy feeling might return, so I took them out and put my glasses on. If you are a wearer of strong glasses. it is not a good idea to switch between contacts and glasses during the day. If you get up first thing in the morning and know you can only wear contacts for around 12 hours your best bet is to determine your bedtime and subtract 12 hours from it so you can wear glasses until that time. Put your contacts in then because switching from glasses to contacts is easy. Your vision wearing contacts is a big improvement over what it is with thick glasses like mine. It took me a while to get used to my glasses after the drive to the store wearing contacts, but since I knew Rick was fine seeing me wearing glasses, I knew it was better for my eyes. In 2 days, I was going to need my contacts for the drive home, so it wouldn’t hurt to give my eyes more rest. Rick and I talked that night. I asked him to tell me truthfully if he saw a future for us, and he said he did, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted a long distance relationship. I had not known what his job was, and he surprised me when he told me he was the prosecuting attorney for the county. I hadn’t even suspected that he was a lawyer, but he had gone into the army and had become a lawyer there. I told him that I could likely sell my insurance business, and either go to work for someone in town, or I could start my own office again. With that Rick asked me to marry him, and I accepted, as long as I could also lay claim to his yellow lab Lady. Once we decided there was no turning back. Mom and dad sold the cottage, but by that time I had moved into Rick’s house. I had gone off the pill the minute Rick asked me to marry him, and it took us a while before we were able to get married. By that time, I had to have my wedding dress altered for the baby bump. The first two children were girls, but the second two were boys, and by then I knew that I was never going back to work until these 4 were out of high school. Fortunately, Rick was making a good wage, and I had sold my business, so we had paid down the mortgage on his house, which was a really nice place that was within walking distance of a lot of the stores. I still have my car, and I still wear my contact lenses when I need to shuffle kids around. I did get a pair of glasses to wear over my contacts that had the required prism in them, and my normal glasses have that little bit of prism I need in them. My thick glasses are still not normal looking, but those -28D lenses are what I need to be able to see and I am not ashamed of them anymore. Marrying Rick and living in the town where we had spent so many summers was just like I had returned to my summer paradise. Specs4ever May 2021