Enough time lapsed in between my newfound obsession with Rachel’s glasses that I began to feel things were back to normal. Few reminders of my attraction to glasses and those who wore them remained in my daily life, but surely enough, old patterns began to repeat themselves by the time I was in 5th grade.
At this age I also had two friends who were girls, Julia and Melissa. I was not fully committed to my companionship with the two however. I could tell they both liked me a good deal for they were the artsy types and I was already different from all the other boys in class. I enjoyed playing rock guitar and was the best at drawing, though my talent was soon rivaled by Julia who competed with me once she began taking art classes. Melissa also became an accomplished artist by self teaching. I was flattered by these gestures, but embarrassed at the same time.
Julia and Melissa were not the most popular girls, you see. They were probably the two most developed girls for their age, being taller than the others and more grown into their bodies. This caused them to stick out in the crowd as well as their less mainstream hobbies. They had geeky tendencies for sure.
My young mind was quite concerned with my own social standings, thus I allowed myself to spend time with these girls but I tried not to get too close to them in fear of becoming less popular with other students. Nevertheless, I traded CDs with Julia and we began introducing each other to some of our favorite pop bands of the era. I think she initiated this transaction by giving me an OK-Go album which I reciprocated with a Kaiser Chiefs CD. Melissa and I both attended the same latchkey after-school program in which we would sometimes draw together during indoor times.
Julia was an immigrant from the Ukraine. Though she moved to the states when she was very young, she still maintained a very slight accent, which was admittedly quite sexy. You could take the immigrant from the Ukraine, but not the Ukraine out of the immigrant apparently since she bore little resemblance to her American classmates in her style and attire.
Julia’s dirty blonde hair was significantly longer than other’s. It appeared slightly unkempt and nearly reached her waist. Her fashion was equally eye-popping as she tended to don long, floral patterned or solid color dresses, longer than her hair even and almost stretching to the floor. In terms of complexion, her skin was olive tone. Unlike other Ukrainians, she would tan quite easily and nicely. I would later find out that she was middle eastern-Jewish on her mother’s side but they had converted to Christianity generations ago to avoid persecution in the USSR. She would not begin to assimilate until later on that year. Once she did, she took after my style and became partial to a sort of punk look, dominated by rock t shirts and accessories. It was quite the 180.
Melissa’s appearance was also incomparable to her peers. Instead of the bright, preppy, name-brand garments the other girls preferred. She was more commonly seen in unique looking earth-tone clothing. If I remember correctly, she also wore one of those simple black interlaced chokers around her neck that are very popular amongst hipsters nowadays. This all complimented her dark features and brunette hair. Her eyes were almost too large for her face, but very beautiful. Otherwise her features were quite delicate.
It’s an understatement to say they stood out from other girls. Little did I know, they would soon stick out even more. We were all in the same class and sometime throughout the year our seats were all rearranged relatively close to each other at the far back of the room. This was a large room and the whiteboard was barely legible even to students such as myself who had 20/20 vision or close to it at the time. I could barely see the homework assignments which were written on a smaller whiteboard to the left of the main one. This is the first time I started squinting to read the fine letters on this board.
I soon noticed I was not the only one straining to see. Whenever I glanced to my left or right at Julia or Melissa, they would be squinting hard at the letters on the board, much harder than my nearly imperceptible vision straining. “Oh no,” I thought. I knew exactly what this meant. The two of them surely needed glasses. This would only further accentuate their nonconformities and neediness. Again I found myself distraught and hopelessly conflicted. On one hand I enjoyed seeing these two squint at the board, their nearsightedness admittedly a turn on, but on the other hand I dreaded the prospect of them needing eyeglasses because I was already afraid of how my hanging out with them was perceived and spectacles would only enhance this.
Surely enough, Julia and Melissa began to ask me what was written on the board as their squinting became less effective. I pretended to be surprised. They both sat at a corner in the classroom that was nearly enclosed by a strange angle in the room. I jumped on this as a vain last resort to suggest they may not be nearsighted afterall, it could be something else. “Sure,” I answered, “is it the corner of the room that makes it difficult to see the board from where you sit,” I inquired. “No,” Julia remarked, “I think I just need glasses.”
My heart sank. The inevitable was upon me again. No matter how hard I wished, I could not save the girls I fancied from myopia. Eventually the teacher noticed Julia and Melissa’s visual struggles and granted them permission to walk up closer to the board when they needed to. They had to do this often and had to get very close to the ancillary board to the left of the room. This became a distraction of sorts and the teacher resolved to let them copy their notes from me instead. Surely letters had already been sent home to their parents by the teacher I thought.
This was indeed the case as within a couple weeks or even as little as a week of each other, they walked into the classroom bespectacled for the first time. Julia’s frames matched the rest of her look. They were oval-shaped and gold, not a very modern look. It was more reminiscent of Soviet utilitarianism. Melissa’s on the other hand were more contemporary, semi-rimless, rectangular, and red. They suited her well. I liked both pairs a lot, but struggled to internally admit this to myself.
Around this time I also observed another strange phenomena. Though Julia and Melissa sat too adjacent from me to look at their glasses much during class, I found myself distracted by some of the other students’ corrective lenses. I noticed how the glasses worn by the myopic students in front of me seemed to make the world smaller. This was odd I thought. At the time I could not figure out how a minimized world would help people who could not see far away. Even still, I noticed something strange. This alternate world I perceived by looking through these lenses from behind looked a bit clearer though it was smaller. This was curious I thought, but I did not think much of it.
Two stories come to mind regarding Julia and Melissa’s specs. Regarding Julia, it involves a class project the two of us were part of. We were selected to be in a group of other students to reinact a scene to represent the 1980s as part of a living wax museum of the last 10 decades. It occurred to us to use MTV as our way to portray the 80s and I dressed as Slash from Guns ‘N Roses for our still while Julia did a Stevie Nick’s impression which was perfect for her look except for one thing, her spectacles, which although containing a rather slight prescription, she wore virtually all hours of the day.
I realized this and asked her if she intended to wear her glasses during the exhibit. She said yes so I reminded her that Stevie Nicks does not wear glasses so she should take them off to convey a more realistic impression. Julia resisted at first, “but I can’t see without them!” This was not really true since her prescription was so mild. Furthermore the exhibit was not about seeing it was about being seen by our parents and the rest of the school. Even still, Julia protested, but once the rest of our group and eventually our teacher herself agreed with me, Julia conceded. I feel a little guilty about making her take off her glasses to this day, but at the same time, it is true that the specs would have confused our audience.
In Melissa’s case, I believe she wore her glasses most of the day, but took them off more than Julia. Melissa would not don them outside at play, but instead preferred to wear them within the confines of the school where they were really needed. One day at latchkey shortly after Melissa first received her glasses something very memorable transpired. One of my other friends who was also present at the time asked Melissa questions about her glasses and why she needed them. She replied that her distance vision had deteriorated and she could no longer see far away objects without them. I’m not exactly sure who suggested trying on her glasses, but I think it was Melissa. I think she hoped to illustrate how she saw without her glasses by having us wear the unnecessary correction. Ironically enough this backfired on her.
My other friend tried them on first. After peering around the room a bit he said he did not really see a difference and questioned that these glasses were real. He propositioned that they must be for cosmetic purposes. I however knew that these glasses were real and suspected my friend had imperfect vision himself. This was confirmed as he was soon prescribed glasses for nearsightedness himself. When he was done Melissa then handed her glasses to me.
With Melissa’s glasses on I expected the world to become blurry and foggy. Wearing her correction did not allow me to see the world as she did without her glasses though. Instead I noticed little change as well as my other friend. Furthermore, when I glanced at the remote corners of the large room I noticed distant objects had a clarity akin to objects nearer to me. I thought things at this range such as a clock across the room were supposed to be blurry and a little shakey. “This was the effect distance was supposed to have on objects, right?” I thought to myself, confused by what I was seeing. I thought everyone had to squint if they wanted to see this far away. Yet, here I was observing the distant world with more clarity than I had ever experienced.
Worried I had confirmed I too needed glasses, I brought Melissa’s spectacles further down on my nose and peered over them. Surely enough, the clock was now a fuzzy smudge on the wall. I put the glasses back on and suddenly the small digits on the clock were brought into sharp focus. I took the glasses on and off like this for a little while, shocked by what was happening.
I think Melissa noticed the starstruck expression on my face and resolved that I enjoyed more visual clarity with her glasses on. I did not want her to know this or anyone else for that matter so I quickly gave them back and she asked me what I thought. Unable to admit I could see better, I echoed my other friend’s reaction and proclaimed there was no noticeable difference and the glasses must be pretty weak. They were and so Melissa agreed and said this was the case, she only needed them for things quite far away.
Despite my findings I told no one what happened that day and found myself in complete denial. I buried the memory in my subconscious and continued as if nothing happened. As far as I knew, I still had 20/20 vision. Sure I had to squint a little bit to see far away, but seeing such distances was not necessary most of the time and my squinting was very subtle, much less perceptible than Melissa’s or Julia’s. All our vision was probably relatively similar at the time the only differences were I was better at squinting, I was less bothered by not being able to see as well, and I was in complete denial of course.
Despite my increasingly obvious excitement towards a bespectacled Julia and Melissa, I resolved to hang out with them less. With glasses on their faces they had transitioned into full geeks and I did not want to be associated with unpopular kids. I did not have the heart to stop all contact however so we remained friends, but I was noticeably less comfortable around them. I think they noticed, which I also feel bad about to this day. This was temporary however, in coming years I would soon learn to embrace my glasses fetish.
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